Week 15: Nothing But Gratitude

I can see it! I can see it!
I can finally see my little bump…but only when I’m laying flat on my back. The day I hit 14 weeks I woke up and rolled over and felt out of curiosity, and there it was. A hard little bump. I stood up wondering if it had popped out yet, but it hadn’t. So I laid back down and admired it again. I think I laid there for 5 minutes or so just looking and squishing around with my hands. I’m so happy to finally see and feel something tangible. I always thought it would be weird to feel this thing growing inside you (I may have seen one too many alien movies), but surprisingly it doesn’t feel weird at all. It feels like it’s a part of me. Nothing out of the ordinary. Except that the reality is, it’s EXTRAORDINARY!

Maybe I Have More Energy?
Everyone keeps telling me your energy returns in the second trimester. In general I still don’t feel like I’m ready to run a marathon, or even make it through a day’s worth of activities without looking forward to my head hitting the pillow. BUT, I have managed to only need one nap this week which I am blaming on a poor night’s sleep the night before thanks to a migraine.

Speaking of, after getting a migraine every single week for about 5 weeks, I finally made it through last week without even a hint of a headache. It was blissful. This week I wasn’t so lucky, but I’m very thankful to say that with the help of a massage and what I am hoping is a shift in hormones, it wasn’t nearly as severe as they have been and was gone within a couple of days.

I Cried In The Shower
I haven’t been a big blubbering ball of emotions thus far, but every now and then something strikes me in a certain way and I find myself tearing up. This week it happened as I was washing the gym stink off in the shower. Earlier that day we found out that Will got into Squadron Officer’s School. Something we had been praying and hoping for for a while now. It means that we won’t go to Turkey until the end of July, but it will allow me to be home in NC for almost two whole months, and it will prevent Will from having to spend a month or more alone here in SD before the move. Not to mention he will be in Alabama, a mere 6 hours from home so he will be able to visit friends and family a few times before we leave. Also that day I had been discussing the difficulties of getting pregnant with a friend who has been trying to conceive for a while now. After you spend years trying to AVOID getting pregnant, when it’s time to try TO get pregnant and it just doesn’t happen, it’s a frustration and sadness that just can’t be understood till you live it. And I realize that I didn’t have to live it, but I’ve watched a few friends now who have and seeing the hurt in their faces is terrible.

So that afternoon, back to the shower, all of a sudden it hit me just how blessed Will and I are. We’ve been blessed in more ways than I can possibly count, but the big things that surfaced as the water washed away my tears of thankfulness was that we are about to live our dream of living overseas. It’s for real. It’s happening in just a few short months. It seems unbelievable sometimes. And that there is a baby growing in my tummy. A real live, moving, growing, little human being that will create this beautiful threesome that I can’t wait to see. A healthy baby is truly a miracle. I never understood how true that statement was until trying to get pregnant. It’s a miracle. A gift from God. A one in a million chance. And I can’t believe we are getting to experience it. And lastly, that Will got into SOS, and for once we are getting the ideal scenario. We get to spend some time at home before embarking on this great adventure. I will get to share my baby bump (providing it decides to show up by then) with my family and friends. Will and I will be able to make the drive from SD to NC together. I will get to spend time at the lake this summer. We will meet our best friends’ new baby (due next Saturday!). We’ll actually make it to a couple of the weddings we were sure we would miss. So many things…

I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with gratitude and emotion. Happy tears they were. God is so good! Funny enough, as we were sitting on the couch Sunday night, the same realizations seem to hit Will.

Sharing the Tummy
My baby bump is really more of a mole hill that only likes to make an appearance now and then. To anyone else seeing me in normal clothes, I don’t look the slightest bit pregnant. But, in tight workout clothes, or a fitted dress you can kind of see the beginnings of a little bump. Will has become a little fascinated with this. And I have to say I haven’t been the most welcoming wife when he (very frequently) want to rub my belly. Being in this awkward stage where I really just feel more fat than pregnant, the last thing I want is someone rubbing what looks and feels like just some extra pudge I’ve put on. I’m trying to work on my mentality around this. Trying to accept that there is a baby in there and I haven’t just been eating too many cookies lately. Appreciating that I should be so happy and feel so loved that my husband is excited and likes to feel my growing tummy.

Our First Shower
I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it on the blog, but it took me 6 months when we first moved to South Dakota to make some friends. That sounds sad and a bit ridiculous, but I realized that when you reach a certain point in your life, you don’t make friends just to make friends. You become picky. Because you know who you are and the type of people you want in your life. You realize that you don’t have to be best friends, or even anything more than acquaintances, with just everyone you meet. It’s really a beautiful thing because instead of trying to make yourself fit a certain mold, you find people that fit into yours, who can you totally be yourself around, and blossom, and grow, and foster a relationship of happiness and acceptance. The only drawback is that it can take some time to find those people. Especially if you aren’t in an area or situation where they are abundant.

I made my friends through the jobs I’ve had here. They have made my time here so much richer, filling it with so many laughs, lots of nights drinking WAY too much wine, helping me survive grueling weeks at work, keeping me company when Will has been out of town, being awesome dog sitters, joining us for Spearfish stacycations, giving me work when Will’s deployment was cancelled and my moving plans were botched. The list is kind of endless.

And when I told them I was pregnant, they made me feel so special once again, throwing my first baby shower. We spent a wonderful Saturday morning in the Tea Room at Bully Blends downtown, talking all things baby…and life. I was so thankful to see them all again in one place before we head out of town. I hope if you girls are reading this you know how much you mean to me!

I don’t know if it’s proper or not, but I took all the goodies and gift cards and put them straight to use (much to Will’s chagrin). We came home with a bundle of stuff. We also practiced using our new Boba wrap, using Jeannie as a guinea pig. She loves being held that way, so having a handy dandy sling to nestle into was her idea of heaven. We may have a battle between baby and dog for dibs 🙂

Week 15 ended with a cold day in SD. We had 70 degrees on Friday, and the snow and a high of 38 on Sunday. I will say I can handle the cold and snow better when its mixed in with beautiful sunny days, and the snow doesn’t stick around very long. It’s mid-April and we’ve got just over a month left here, and this week we have our next doctor’s appointment. Lots of excitement to look forward to!