Today’s Panic Attack

The latest of my mini panic attacks about our upcoming move struck me as soon as I opened my eyes this morning. Last night I was graced with a dream where my aunt, mom and friend Missy stopped randomly by our barn over the holidays and just sat chit chatting while I was piddling around. My family LOVES to sit and just talk about nothing; it’s one of our favorite pastimes. When I awoke the first thought in my mind what the realization that in the coming years I will be lucky to see my family, to see my mom, twice a year. And today that is very hard for me to deal with.

Husband has been sitting going through his official packet and as I soak in the fact that Thanksgiving is only two weeks away I can’t stop my heart from fluttering and tears from falling. Time feels like it is moving at warp speed and I just can’t enjoy every moment enough before it’s gone. Our time here has been filled with amazing experiences and some of the best times we’ve had with friends possibly ever. For which I am eternally grateful. But like every addict I want MORE. I don’t want the good times to end.  I don’t want to say goodbye to my family and friends and not know that within a matter of weeks I will see them again.

In my own mind I sound like a whiney child right now. I’m sure that’s what I sound like here as well, but I promised to keep it real on this blog and the reality is this move and Husband’s job, no matter how fortunate and hopeful it is…is going to suck.

I’m not saying there won’t be good, or that we won’t find happiness in it, or that there isn’t a chance that it may be the greatest thing to every happen to us. I believe all of those things are possible and I’m going to try my best to make them come true. But today I don’t want to leave my mommy (yes I said it).

Everyone has to find their own way to deal and work through life’s inevitable changes. Apparently mine is flooding my brain and heart with heavy thoughts on a Monday morning when I’m completely unprepared. At least I have coffee to get me through it.

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