In the past month I have I’ve gone from wishing I could relive/redo college, created a number of tiffs with Husband, questioned my future and what I want to do with it, and today I got crazy inklings for big city living again. I exhaust myself.
I only wish I could blame my crazy antics and thoughts on PMS but quite honestly that’s just not the case. I’m really not sure what is.
I remember a time earlier this year when I felt complete satisfaction in my place in life. I didn’t wish for anything, didn’t want to rush life, I simply wanted to enjoy the life I was living.
What the crap changed?!?!
I’m lost in finding the answer to that question. Fall always does this to me. At first it instills a sense of wonder, excitement and new beginnings. I’m all pumpkin, leaf and boot crazy. Then we gain an hour and the dark moves in bringing with it the depression of the season leaving me longing for hot sunny evenings and the light of Summer again.
This is what keeps me addicted to change. It’s always the promise of something new that reenergizes my inspiration and brings back my zest for life.
It’s also what has me convinced that I will never find a true state of contentment.
There are days when I wish so badly we were able to find a home we love, really start nesting and possibly even start considering starting a family. But then I remember that we were only in our old house four years before I was so bored and tired of it I could have screamed. And that we’ve only been here in the barn for three months and although I love it, I’m beginning to feel ready to move on.
It’s unsettling to think about never being able to settle.
From the various blog posts and Pinterest highlights I know I’m not alone. Tis the Season of Dissatisfaction and right now I’m decking the halls with ornaments of question, depression and sparkling loss of direction.