The Calm Before The Storm

Things have been quite around the barn the last few days. Thanksgiving came and went, and was just wonderful. Possibly one of the best in a long while. Husband and I hope to be able to come home for it next year but like everything else in our lives at the moment, it’s up in the air. We really aren’t able to plan for anything from furniture to vacation until we get to our new home and start figuring things out.

We’ve returned to our daily gym workouts, our morning coffee (which was served to me along with breakfast in bed yesterday morning, thank you Husband!), and to what has turned out to be our quiet life in the barn. In a way it feels like we are fooling ourselves into thinking life is normal. Knowing in less than two weeks we will be jetting off to Cali to cash in on Husband’s winnings, and that in a month and eleven days Husband will leave this place indefinitely and leave me absolutely for three whole months. Life in the coming months will be anything but normal.

I’m trying to decide if I’m ok with it. I have to be really. No choice in the matter at this point. The papers are signed and we are already receiving mail addressed to First Lieutenant Jamison. And with that finality in mind I’ve started brainstorming ways to keep my mind and my heart busy so I can make it through these cold winter months without him.

I started setting silent fitness goals for myself, which I’ve begun to work on. And thinking about a solid eating plan to help me hopefully reach some physical goals I’ve had for a while. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to stick with eating plans when you are all alone?

I’ve started thinking about what style we want to decorate our rental home in and searching for tips on decorating a space that we don’t own. I’ve begun researching furniture and decor in an attempt to develop a budget for our new home. When we moved from Charlotte we basically decided to get rid of almost everything, which is awesome for starting fresh, but not so awesome for our bank account.

I’ve tried to organize the move in my mind, although without much success. Quite honestly I feel very overwhelmed by the stacks of unorganized boxes sitting right outside our front door.

I’ve searched various rental websites, including the military provided site, hoping to find our perfect home, not that we could sign for one considering we’re still five months away from being there.

I’ve worked on telling myself that three months will fly by, but in the dark hours of the night I remember how lonely even a week can be for me and my gut drops out of my stomach in worried anticipation. At which point I go back to thinking beyond the training months and focusing on decorating. Something fun and lighthearted to take my mind off of things.

I’ve come to a point in my processing of this change where I almost wish it would just get here already, so we could get started and see how it’s really going to be. Like anything in life the unknown is always more scary than it’s reality. I can’t necessarily say that I’m scared, but I do have quite a few worries and I’m ready to see them fade.

Although it may not sound like it, I’m also starting to get very excited. I’ve always wanted to live somewhere different, granted South Dakota isn’t exactly what I had in mind, and the exploration of a new town is catching the best of my interests. I’m excited about silly things like new dishes, a new routine, new friends, new restaurants and foods to try, and growing closer to Husband.

But for today, I’m ok sitting in the peaceful silence, enjoying our daily routine even if it is short lived, and knowing that tomorrow may bring the storm, and that’s ok, but today it is calm and not worth worrying over.