June 8, 2011
I had hoped to spend this post talking about the pros and cons of doing business with family or friends. I was going to post on this subject because we were in initial negotiations with some good friends in regards to buying our house. I’m not sure if the excitement I couldn’t hold back or the being proactive and researching how it would all need to go down if everything worked out jinxed it or if it just wasn’t meant to be, but as of 5:32 this evening the deal was off thanks to a certain apartment lease ending in October rather than the previously assumed August. Ahh c’est la vie! Or at least c’est moi vie (not sure if that is the correct French, I am rusty)
Of course I’m a little disappointed, but given that the house hasn’t even been on the market for a week yet, I’m still filled with hope that things will happen the way they need to. And speaking of divine timing and letting life happen instead of trying to plan every detail (which who are we kidding, NEVER works) I will move on to the more substantial topic of my day.
My friend Liz and I rarely have a phone conversation that is less than an hour (or two). And more often than not we tend to talk about the future. You see, just as Husband and I have been waiting for three long years for our life to start happening, Liz and her husband are on year three of waiting. We four have dreams of getting back to Asheville, living on a compound, having babies at the same time, watching our kids and ourselves grow old, and experiencing life together. Of course there is that little nagging problem of logistics. Liz and Clint, otherwise known as Cliz from here on, live in Virginia, in a town right outside of Raleigh. We live in Charlotte, are moving to Asheville, but may be moving across the world for four years. After graduating in December Clint has to complete four years of experience in his job before he can become licensed. He has to find said job first, and there aren’t any, for the most part. We have no idea when and if we will all ever get to Asheville for good, or how our best laid plans will come to fruition.
So many of Liz and I’s discussions are about these hard facts. You would think we believe that we can talk about it until it all just magically becomes a reality. But the unfortunate thing about always looking to the future is you forget the here and now. We’ve all heard the cliche sayings preaching to seize the day and whatnot, and that is what I’m trying to say…sort of. This may sound very strange, but living in moment is great…IF you want to be in that moment. Liz stated earlier that if they had to stay where they were for a while something would have to change because the past year has not been how she’s wanted to live her life. And I couldn’t agree more. We both have tried our best to have fun, visit friends, go on trips and make the most out of what we have.
Over dinner tonight I restated to Husband how bittersweet it will be to move. That due to our budget restrictions and time constraints from school and work, we haven’t really given Charlotte the chance it probably deserves. There are plenty of restaurants we have failed to try. Countless festivals and gallery crawls we’ve never set foot in. Heck, there are even whole parts of Charlotte I’m sure we don’t even know about. And part of me wishes we had time or would have made time to explore all of those things…but part of me just really doesn’t care. Charlotte is a fantastic place for some people. Full of young professionals, new restaurants and bars opening weekly, an NFL stadium in its backyard, but for us it’s never felt like home. It has always been missing something, the little something that we so desperately need to click with wherever we end up living. Coming from a town that is filled to the brim with diverse individuals and is practically spewing with culture, it’s been hard to live in a city that has very little culture to speak of, not to mention a total lack of community due to being such an international hub. It would be nice to have seen and done all things Charlotte before we go, but I’m not sure that it would really matter.
The reality is, I don’t care to live in these moments in a city I don’t enjoy, with friend’s I never see, away from our family, and doing things that don’t make my heart or my head happy.
I don’t want to be ungrateful for every day God has given me, and I’m aware that they won’t all be perfect. I really just want some inkling that one day some will be, more than some, the majority. I’m really trying to not keep planning, keep detailing out every second of my life. I truly want to let things happen and not carry the burden of trying to make sense of it all.
But the question of the hour (year) is HOW?