I Don’t Have A Word For It


Boredom is really starting to catch up with me. I may regret saying that in a month or so, but right now I feel like I’m operating in the great abyss. Outside of a few part time blogging things here and there, I’ve essentially not worked since September. At first I remained very focused and productive, blogging here, helping a previous coworker get her business off the ground, catching up on things around the house, etc…But now all that has passed.

It’s cold here. I know I’ve ranted and complained about that enough, but what I mean by saying that, is that it’s just too cold to do much. Which means no pictures. Which means nothing great to blog about. And while I can write without pictures, I literally have nothing to write about at the moment.

It’s so hard trying to navigate this point in my life. I never thought I wouldn’t have a career, but honestly I’m ok with not having one for the moment. I don’t feel depressed, and although bored is the only word I can think of to describe it, I don’t actually feel bored either, I just feel nothing. I’m not upset about it, I’m just patiently waiting for when there is more to my day. More sunshine, more interaction, more pressing things on my to do list.

Almost every day Will comes home and asks me what I’ve done, and I’m almost embarrassed as I try to exaggerate the menial 3-4 things that made up my to do list. What AM I doing with my days?

I wake up around 8 every morning, waste too much time catching up on Facebook and Instagram. Make breakfast and read my devotion. Check emails, do any work for Creative By Me that I have. Fool around on the internet, write a little for myself. Head to crossfit or the gym. Run any errands that are needed. Eat lunch, take a shower, possibly take a short nap. Work on things around the house like laundry and general cleaning. Make dinner. Sit on the couch until I hear Will’s key rattling in the door.

Pretty freaking uneventful. I’ve found myself lately begging to watch another episode of Cheers at night or anything that will prolong going to bed. I’m too rested. In actuality I wake up when Will wakes up, 5:45 Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and around 6:30 the other days, but I force myself to try to go back to sleep until at least 8 because I don’t have anything else to fill an extra hour or so with. And I don’t want to complain. Will works so hard. I’ll never cease to be amazed and proud of his unending commitment and discipline in his work and life. He is my greatest hero. I only wish I was doing more to contribute to making our lives better too. Whatever that means now.

I just need to hold out a little bit longer. Next week I’m going to Florida. April will be full of getting things organized and ready to be packed for the move, as well as getting things like passports, visas, health clearances, and such in line. May the movers will come and we will be uprooted. June and July will bring some time back in NC, and possibly SOS for Will, before the big move. The “more” I’ve been wanting is coming. I just once again, need to wait.

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