A Two Sided Coin
Small bouts of anxiety have started to creep in. A surprise realization here and there that sends a shock through my system and sets my nerves on edge. Our time in Asheville is already over halfway through, well at least for Husband and when that reality hits I can’t help but go into a short panic.
Oddly enough I’ve worked up an excitement over our move. But like any position where you find yourself sedentary and comfortable it’s hard to find the motivation to crawl out of your cozy little corner. I knew this time would feel short, but now it just feels like it’s flying by and no matter how hard I try to grasp to each moment it slips through my fingers before I can even explore its beautiful colors.
I have become spoiled in so many ways. Spoiled in having Husband around all day everyday, and believe me when I say I never tire of his presence. Spoiled in having unlimited access to my family. Spoiled in little conveniences like my Granny’s garden, a free gym membership (at a gym that’s just a few minutes away), a beautiful place to live that makes us and the dogs so happy, and close proximity to our friends. Spoiled in having a job that allows me a lot of freedom.
I have a feeling most if not all of these little luxuries are going to change when we move. Maybe I will find myself in an even better situation. Or maybe I won’t. There is always the fear of impending change, along with the excitement. These days I find myself torn between wanting to stop time and wanting it to speed up. True to every other time in my life I can’t wait to see what our future holds, its just that the present is so sweet I don’t want to leave. My life has turned into a two sided coin.
The sense of purpose I had when we first moved here has changed or rather waned significantly. I’m a little lost on how to make the most of each day between fitting in work, the gym and general daily tasks. My inspiration is not quite peaked and that gorgeous happy elated feeling I loved so much has begun to trickle away. It’s not that I’m not happy. It’s just that I can no longer ignore that reality is just around the corner and our time of playing at the barn is in fact going to end. There will be a real house to take care of again, new bills, new routines, a new life that doesn’t involve watching Husband make all sorts of creations while I type away at work (silly, but such a wonderful day to day).
It’s silly to think that we could continue this fantastical way of living forever, but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t sad to see it go. I’m thankful that at least our last few months will be flooded with the holidays and family and friends. It’s the happiest time of the year! This New Year will truly be the start of a totally new beginning for us. Mentally I’ve started building a list of things to be excited about, it seems to calm me when I start to freak out 🙂 Feel free to add to my list!
1. First time ever Husband and I will be all alone in a new town just toughing it out together <–that sound so romantic to me.
2. People drive snow mobiles in South Dakota
3. It will be a great time for us to focus on getting into the physical fitness and health that we have always wanted to achieve
4. We will have an entire Air Force base of new friends to make
5. Access to cheap travel!
6. Beautiful, completely new to us surroundings to explore
7. Free housing
8. Watching Husband finally have the feeling of accomplishment in having a job <–this has been very tough for him over the past few years
